HELLO LOSERS!!! Well after several suggestions from my civil partners I have decided to write a nice wee blog all the way from Australia to let you all know what we are up to!! This blog promises to be greatly interesting if you are in any way enamoured by the idea of drinking wine from a bag or living on a strict diet of tomato ketchup with possibly some foosty rice on the side.
So I think I should begin by letting you all know that we are known in Australia as THE THREE HOT SCOTTISH GIRLS. I know what you’re thinking “that’s catchy daftar situs judi slot online terpercaya situs slot terpercaya and extremely accurate.” I may have slightly decorated this with a descriptive word which is not actually used, but I’m sure HOT comes up quite a lot. You may also be interested to know that I have actually been photographed to soon appear in the Guinness Book of Records!! I know. Amazing. Guess what for? You’ll never guess. THE MOST TANNED GIRL IN THE WORLD. I’m applying to have my name legally edited to Kirsty Tannagan. I think it has quite a ring to it. Tannagan. Just rolls off the tongue doesn’t it? However unfortunately my camera has a white filter on it which is why I appear as ghostly as ever in photographs. But TRUSS ME.
situs judi slot online resmi Anyway…what have we been up to I hear you beg?! LOTS. So…we went to the ZOO which was super exciting. However it was a big journey to get there. A life journey. First of all we were going to go and then I went to the bank to find the two most dreaded words of a shopaholic – TRANSACTION UNSUCCESSFUL. Frankly I needed that dress so it was sort of worth it. Anyway poor and extremely stylish, we trudged back to the apartment with only 15 dollhairs to our name. Only calls for one thing, a weekly diet of beans and toast. Went down a real treat for the first couple of days and I probably even lost a pound or so for bikini season. Anyway it turned out the bank machine just totally bitched me and I in fact did have money.
So we finally went a few days later and we saw animals. It was well good. These wee monkeys had faces like men. They literally looked like in a movie when someone is magic-ed into an animal but it still totally looks like them in the face. Also we saw a kangaroo with a wee joey in its pouch which actually looked totally boggers but it was certainly eye-opening. We had the best time climbing on the faux animals also. There was a duckbilled platypus. THEN I went to the gift shop and spent 13 DOLLARS 50 OF MY NO SALARY on 3 “extremely cool” magnetic postcards which can be placed on ones fridge to remind one of how one is not in Australia and ones relative IS and is extremely tanned. So as you can imagine I am extremely pleased and also somewhat smug situs judi slot online about these amazing magnetic Greetings from Melbourne Zoo postcards. I quickly scrawled (with my very neat and appealing-to-the-eye handwriting thank you very much) the details of my trip to the zoo, and excitedly attached the magnetic strip to view it complimenting my fridge and consequently everything else in my apartment. BUT NO!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT LANDED ON THE FLOOR!! JUST LAY THERE LOOKING ALL SAD AND A WASTE OF MONEY!!!! Didn’t even stick remotely to the frickin fridge did it? And I can hardly return it now that I’ve blabbed on about the bloody Butterfly House and the baboon with a red butt. WHATEVER GIFT SHOP BITCH. Anyway then we went to the city and had dinner in this lovely Italian restaurant by the river. Like proper canggih rich people! Good ole overdraft I love you. We then got icecream from this shop called Trampoline and waited patiently on these supposed “FIRE CANNONS” which shoot out fire all along the river every hour. However it was still light and wasn’t gonna get dark for another few hours so instead we just observed some rowing people. All of the girls had total arm legs. You know those legs which look like arms. So we shouted at them to go eat a pie and then went home. Was good fun.
The night life here is proper mental. Well it is only mental because we’re here and people actually group us as entertainment. So this one night we go out to this rumoured to be very hip and classy bar The Vineyard. All is going well until I get my foot smashed by a huge and sweaty and not remotely attractive or surfery Australian. There was this huge fight where this girl jumped in too and was all punchin a guy on the head. Without a word of a lie I tell you. The bouncers just stood there as well. I think Australians see bar fights as normal, like the way we see John Robson being stripped naked and lathered in squirty cream by a stripper as being normal. Not amused love my foot is totally blue. So we drank and drank and spent all of our dollhairs on wine. Then we were outside and this creepy Aussie guy who was like 2 feet tall decided to ask what we liked for breakfast. Yeah like I’ve never heard that one before. Just as I go to raise my hand and slap him in his misproportioned face I hear words which shock me “Porridge with water!” cries a drunken Franny. “A roll and sausage and tottie scone I have it every day,” says Fiona. God you two are dafties. I shake my head in great disapproval at their naivety. They never even realised til the next day when I reran the conversation to them. Also then a few girls took our number. That was nice of em. Not that they phoned us. Then we went to this place called BIGMOUTH where we met the most attractive woman in the world BRYONY. It was all cool and their windows move away and it’s open to the street. All the better for bar fights to be integrated into street fights I say. THEN we left and went to McDonalds which is open 24 hours and all these drunk people queue at the drive thru and we met this nice girl called “Isla Fisher Girl” and we ate all these chicken nuggets on the road. Then we got proper lost. Then we (have no recollection of how we) met these 2 guys, one of which supposedly had muscular arms, and they somehow followed us back to the hostel. Luckily they weren’t allowed in. Dodged that bullet! NO WE DIDN’T. lima mins later there they are booking into the hostel. Don’t think so sunshine. Me and Fiona were on facebook typing to each other about how they were creepy and fugly so they waited for like an hour and then the guy finally got the message after I had a kind yet soul destroying word with him. GOODBYE CREEP. Then in the morning we realised we spent all our dollars on chicken nuggets so we had to buy this boggerz pizza and we laughed for 4 hours at Bryony’s face and also the French guy’s totally unfortunate hairline. This is an example of a typical night out. Sometimes we also run along the beach drunk and chase penguins and try to steal them but they are slippery little suckers.
The other night as well we went to Luna Park which, let’s be honest, is no Disneyworld but unlike neighbourhood fairgrounds of back home it was surprisingly not infested with Lacoste and Kappa wearing delinquents bottling each other. Was nice actually! Only went on one ride and boy was that scary. dua dollars to see my life flash before my eyes. Took the steep ride to the top with situs slot online excitement gurgling in my stomach for the swift adrenaline rush as the rollercoaster hit the G force and rushed back down. The following sequence of events I could not have anticipated. The machinery began to buckle under my hefty icecream weight. Its groans seemed to call me names like Backfat Betty and Cellulite Sally. And all of a sudden I could feel the mechanism snap as it gave an almighty crash. The paramedics ran in to save me as I tangled my damaged backfat in the safety barrier. It all happened so fast. Quickly I was free as the seat then burst into flames. What an escape. In actual fact I realised I had managed to squeeze my ass into a babies’ fairground attraction which was possibly only designed to take up to 3 stone in weight. Then we went and got some ice cream where you can SMASH stuff into it like gummy bears or Maltesers or Caramelo Koalas. I made an ill-informed choice and went for strawberry ice cream with sour worms and gummy bears and I hastily regretted as I got the worst food envy ever in seeing everyone else’s lovely creations. NEXT TIME I WILL NOT MAKE THIS MISTAKE.
Emmm…yeah. This has actually not been remotely informative but I’m being distracted by this really weird rendition of Pokerface by Pixie Lott which I have no idea how it got on my iPod. We live in a room which is good because you know that way where people get really excited when they stand on the border of somewhere and can be in sayyyy Mexico and America at the same time? Well we can stand in our living room, kitchen AND bedroom all at the same time. It’s really special. At night I happily (tannedly) drift off to the sound of prostitutes screaming at each other out the window. And I feel home.
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